CONTENT NOTE for minor mental and physical health drama. Also for very brief mention of weight loss.
I was genuinely worried that I was gonna have a manic episode this past Monday (two days ago), but I brought Percy (the rabbit stuffie you can see in the above photographs, whom I had bought for myself at the dollar store in late March – even as a straight and cisgender man who has recently turned 36, I love stuffed animals and have a collection of about a dozen) with me to the pharmacy when I went to consult with my main pharmacists (Ayman Abdelsayed-Mouris and Tiago Paulino) about what to do when I got no sleep at all on Sunday night, and Percy saved me! His prayers to Bahá’u’lláh and ‘Abdu’l-Bahá for protection (not all of my stuffies are Bahá’ís, I don’t think, but Percy is very devout) rescued me and enabled me to get about four hours of sleep between the hours of 4:30 PM and 8:30 PM on Monday evening, even without the aid of melatonin, which I’m finally learning to use after finding it ineffective for many years. And then I managed to get about six hours on Tuesday evening, so things have returned roughly to normal – all thanks to him! We all know that stuffie prayers are super-effective, of course, because God loves stuffies, but I think this still counts as a miracle! All hail Percy!
I also received miraculously tender, attentive, and affectionate care from one of my three wonderful support workers, Abel, who is Eritrean and is such an unflappably cool guy that I was a little bit taken aback by just how incredibly sensitive he was when he stopped by (he usually comes by in the middle of the afternoon on Mondays and Fridays to help me shower and help me with my laundry) and dropped in for maybe 15 minutes at most even though there was nothing he could really do, just because he cares about me so much that he wanted to make sure I was all right, and it was important to him to see me in the flesh even though it was arguably a waste of his time to travel all the way to me just to do nothing specific in the way of a concrete task. Some of the things he said to me so clearly communicated to me that he values me and wants me to be well that I’ll never forget them. It was genuinely striking and beautiful. And I also suspect that my Auntie Shirley, who would have turned 77 today had she not departed for the realm of the Spirit in 2011, helped me out from the paradise beyond as well. it’s now been eight years since I wrote my tribute to her; I’ve posted it here before, but I’ll do so again sometime in the next few days, simply because I still believe so strongly in everything I wrote in praise of her back then.
The feeling I had in early March of very ardent happiness to be alive hasn’t dimmed at all – I haven’t lost any weight in about six weeks, which is a mild disappointment (I keep bouncing between 263 pounds and 269 pounds, frequently weighing in anywhere along that small gamut but never going any lower or higher), but I haven’t gained any either, and I’m receiving beautiful care from the general manager of the group home, the staff, my personal support workers, my doctors, my dentist (my wonderful Auntie Sara!) and her astonishingly beautiful and vivacious hygienist, and my ridiculously amazing pharmacy team. I also feel very profoundly loved by upwards of 200 very dear friends all around the world – y’all know who you are! My life is phenomenal right now!
I went on a very pleasurable and meaningful second date with a very sweet, intelligent, compassionate, beautiful, and tender person on Sunday night, and I can’t tell you her name or post any photographs of her, because she doesn’t like that sort of thing, but I’m very grateful to her for choosing to be so kind to me and giving me a chance, especially since, in the ultimate rarity for me, she was the one who chose me when we met on a dating site, instead of the other way around. We don’t know what our romantic lives will look like in even a few weeks, but we will be going on a third date!
And there were many magical moments on this one – we admired several beautiful dogs, ate a delicious dinner (pasta and salad and chocolate milk for me, a veggie burger and fries for her) at The Skyline Restaurant, hung out at a fruit market where I bought some blueberries for her to enjoy, saw some gorgeous flowers, witnessed a toddler laughing as his mother carried him meticulously up a flight of stairs, and much else! Two of my favourite songs – “Crazy” by Cee-Lo and Danger Mouse, and “A Day At The Races” by Jurassic 5, Big Daddy Kane, and Percee P – came on restaurant radio, and my date very kindly indulged me as I sang and rapped along. I had a magical time! It feels good to know that someone cares about me in that sense! The future looks bright, especially since we already know that we will stay friends no matter what happens!
It’s a surpassing honour that I can share this kind of sensitive and challenging information with y’all. You have always chosen to be so kind to me, and have greeted my vulnerability with equanimity, openness, sweetness, and strength. I am grateful for your love. My life is better right now than it’s been in more than ten years, and I am positively staggered by the beautiful opportunities I’ve been given to render my life meaningful. Thank you all so very much for valuing me as much as you do. It’s become a personal cliché to tell you that my gratitude for y’all will be eternal, but nothing could be more true. I thank God for you all every day.